Monday, March 28, 2016

"Dine" app does all the wrong things

"Lemme Smash?"

You can read the original article, which has a step by step walkthrough of the Dine app, here. But I want to examine this app because it's fun to see what they are getting wrong, and when in six months you've never heard of them again, you'll know why.

First of all they are combining all the horrible things about OKCupid with the parts of Tinder that are stressful and awful. Do you like to fill out forms? Then you'll love the OKCupid style of old-school dating, where they "match" you based on your interests. It works, but there is a high barrier of entry, like doing a tax form to get laid. Also: Dinner dates are the worst kinds of dates. High pressure and not likely to result in success for either party.

And of course, by not offering an Android client they are demonstrating a complete lack of knowledge of how network effects work - which is that every single person on Earth has a Tinder account and uses it, whereas Bumble and the other iPhone only networks fight for the "affluent" crowd with gimmicky features. 

The problem is that VCs often design apps based on what users SAY they want, instead of what they actually want. For example, girls often say they hate guys who take shirtless selfie shots, but all guys know if they want to get right swiped you should probably include a shirtless selfie. People are counter-intuitive like that. "Oh you hate guys who have nice cars? Sure you do." The data suggests otherwise. 

Better use of VC money would be an application that can "verify" your height. The female dating calculation often will compromise on how affluent a mate is at the moment, but never on how tall they are. I will demonstrate why in the following scientific graph titled "Why girls don't care about money but will ask you how tall you are before they volunteer to go out with you":

If you're a girl you already know this chart by heart. A lot of the guys who were born with money are douchebags not worth dating (or basically, cokeheads). So if you're in the younger crew, rolling with your iPhone, you're not always looking to connect only with guys who are going to splurge on the latest hot restaurant. You're betting on their future, not their present. But they're not going to grow or shrink significantly. So a tape measure dating app is better than a "take me to dinner" dating app, when it comes to the next big thing. Which is why Tinder has pictures in the first place.

I will close with today's screenshot: Yohanna, who is ruining the market curves in all directions.


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