Hi everyone! As many of you know I recently relocated to Moscow! Specifically, I am on Tverskaya Street, third house from the Square on the left. The red brick walk-up with all the well armed "hobos" loitering in front.
Anyways, I am in the news! All the time! You literally cannot turn on any media of any kind and not see my face! How great is that? So great!
I wanted to let everyone know I'm on this blog too, and then Dave said "Why not do a guest blog about your diet tips. You're in great shape man!" And I said "Thanks!" So here they are:
- Airport food is not great. TRY GETTING STUCK IN AN AIRPORT FOR SEVERAL MONTHS AND THE POUNDS WILL JUST DROP OFF! Make it a Russian airport for bonus pounds.
- Interrogation is not great for your physical fitness. The stress alone is thinning. Plus, they're always playing good cop, super great cop, but never "cop that has a brownie to share".
- You can get some pretty interesting amoebas for free in the water here. My girlfriend and I filter our water now, to say the least. Sometimes you go without water in the winter. Shivering burns calories!
- Sometimes my "friends" make me run from place to place all over town just to go to the grocery store or to meet a reporter or comedian who wants to interview me. We call it a "Counter Surveillance Route" but I think of it as a way to not have JSOC put a bag on my head before I get there.
- You can buy any part of a cow here. Sometimes my girlfriend comes home with things that I think are either brains or testicles. They have the animal slaughter section right next to the fruits and vegetables section here. Splatterific!
- You get to walk everywhere. If you have a car, you're stuck in traffic. Just like DC!
- I've taken up Sambo, which is like the Russian Jiu-Jitsu. So I'll be on the open mat at the next INFILTRATE!
- A lot of Russians grow their own food at their Dachas. I'm not so much of a green thumb yet. But organic is always better!
- One common Russian thing is to go out into the wilderness with a basket and not be coming back until it's full of mushrooms. But, as it turns out, you need to know which mushrooms are edible! Not all of them are, I found out.
- Every time a US Congressman calls me a traitor I do a push-up.
Thanks for listening everyone! Hope to hear from you soon on @snowden on Twitter! Let me know that you liked the article!