So yesterday I spent some time with my room-mate talking to a friend of mine as she logged onto Tinder the first time. It was what this blog was built for!
So to start: Even girls very comfortable talking online find Tinder's "get something started from scratch" intimidating. The skillset of "go into a room and elicit information from someone" that spies learn is counter-intuitive. This is the same skillset as "get a guy to ask you out" via Tinder-message though. People who are good at it tend to have no idea why they are good at it. "You just flirt with them and be funny", they say helpfully.
Nobody can just "be funny" or "be flirty" via willpower.
And of course, women face another stigma. It is supposed to be EASY for women to snag a date. And maybe if they want to date ANYONE it is. But that doesn't help the 40yo woman trying to start a new relationship with someone she actually likes. For that, it's best to stand out from the crowd a bit, and use some technique. You start with "openers".
Ok, so without more ado, the standard PUA "controversy" opener.
"Hey, since you're here, settle this thing for me. A friend of mine and I are arguing about whether guys prefer it when girls research all about them before the first date, or whether they want a girl to go into it completely fucking blind. You're a guy, how much stalking do you prefer? :)"
Then you move from there to questions about him, disguised as flirty "stalking" followups. If you like him, follow up with "I guess we don't have to have a first date then? ;)" If not, then don't.
Guys have a very limited number of shit-tests to weed out women before they invest in a first date. By even starting to talk to you, they've already invested in asking you out. I.E. it is your turn in the line.
If he asks you "what you're looking for" say "I'm open to different things, but I have to admit I like meeting new people. You never know!" He's checking for that scent of desperation that you sometimes find. Don't say "I've never met anyone from Tinder before" because that adds to his pressure rather than subtracts from it.
A classic example from Nick Notas: http://www.nicknotas.com/blog/if-you-arent-flirting-neither-is-she/