Friday, January 9, 2015

Advice. I get it.

So for New Years I sat next to an older woman at dinner and I told her I was going through a divorce and that I had kids and I got a LOT OF ADVICE.

Most of her advice was "spend lots of time with the kids" because she assumed I wasn't already doing that. Her assumption that I was moving on to start a whole new family was almost primal. She says her greatest regret was not realizing her first husband needed to really focus on his job during his thirties and forties - she gave him a hard time for that and left him even though he wasn't really cheating on her.

When she heard how many kids I have (three), she said "Ah, so you'll be looking for a wife who already has children, then?" She had a very developed and definite game theory for "What men look for throughout their lives" as far as relationships go. She's not wrong though - guys my age tend to date twenty somethings who have no need for immediate children or women who already have at least one child so the pressure is off. Tinder hasn't changed this.

Game theory as applied to dating is something academics have looked at quite a bit, especially as applied to biology and anthropology. Recently on a date I mentioned that most human cultures were polygamist rather than monogamist. This is one of those things you should never ever say during a date!

I got that information from this Stanford series, which is well worth watching if you're the type of person who is scientific enough to view your own dating and sex life through that particular harsh lens: