Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Worst blog post ever!

Stephanie has a winning combination.
This is probably going to be my worst blog post ever. But I was having breakfast with a friend and she has a friend who lives in the Bay Area and wants a boyfriend - really a husband, let's be honest here. She's a blonde mid thirties lawyer, as you do, and has the additional caveat that the boyfriend should be smart and actually interesting. My friend suggested she date someone geeky.

And of course, perversely my instinct is to say "what about the downsides?" Which, let's face it, are well known to us newly-divorced geeks.

Sometimes geeks leave you and fly to Hong Kong to meet with reporters to divulge classified information abut intelligence activities they don't really understand! Then they expect you to follow them to a FSB-run Moscow apartment!
More seriously, geeks are smart and successful but they are also socially awkward and not usually pictures of physical health.

But let's say your chosen geek is reasonably fit enough for you to still want to have sex with them. There's still two downsides:

Successful geekery requires a level of focus and isolation over many years that is essentially as mentally unhealthy as eating only Snickers Bars all day long. Girlfriends and wives don't want to hear typically that their normally cheerful guy is going to be grumpy all weekend because he can't figure out how to most efficiently reverse a linked list in Erlang.

Which brings up the second point: Geeks tend to be enmeshed in a culture that you may perhaps find offputting. There's a limit to how many times you'll want to go see or even hear about the minutia of Guardians of the Galaxy or be looked at askance because you don't know what a Zerg rush is.

Likewise, your potential mate may be insensitive about things that you hold dear. Most commonly, this is religion, since your basic computer engineer will view your mildly Lutheran parents the same way you would a devout Scientologist and thanks to their social awkwardness, may actually mention that. For example, my ex-wife found it continually painful I was unable to hide my thoughts about New Zealand ("hippies without decent Internet"), the modern dance industry ("showing nipples does not make something avant guard"), and anything related to fashion that wasn't a picture of a model wearing something pretend-scandalous ("criminal waste of time and energy").

Going to all male engineering schools doesn't leave a lot of time for social preparation so you may find yourself having to be un-characteristically blunt about relationship matters (i.e. that you would like to be in one). Guys who spend so much time in isolated all-male environments communicating over the Internet Relay Chat may still have feelings, but they'll communicate them by blinking in Morse code on alternate Tuesdays.

Look, there's a reason there's so much salesguy, spook, and PUA terminology in this blog. Like many geeks I came by what social skills I have through the back door.

In conclusion: what most women say they want, especially in their thirties, is a guy who's "Normal". My technically oriented friends are many things, but normal is not one of them.

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