Sunday, December 21, 2014

Shuckers

"Why do we live in Florida again?"
My friend Kevin and I went boating today. What I bring to boating-related events is a general capacity to enjoy being on the water, along with beer. Kevin brings the boat. Although this time Kevin also bought the beer, so I bought caramel corn from Fresh Market, which really is astoundingly good.

Here I am thinking deeply: "22 Jump Street really is one of the worst movies ever made!"
We ended up going to Shuckers, which is a great bar you can get to by boat. One of the things about dating in your thirties is that, at least in a small town like Miami, your friends will definitely meet your dates. Your dates never really go away - they're there at school or at Shuckers or wherever you are. I'm still learning how to say "Hey, it was nice to go out that one time a while back and then never talk again and now we're in some random park with our kids and what is your kid's name again?" without being super awkward about it.

I feel the same way about women meeting my kids. I'm around town with my kids almost all the time - and I'm not going to pretend to not be dating someone just because I'm with them. Kids are insanely observant and they can tell anyways. It is like trying to hide something from Sherlock Holmes who lives with you full time and sometimes when it's too dark comes to sleep with you.

Thursday, December 11, 2014

"Serious"

"Serious" can be defined a lot of different ways. In the case of my friend's lawyer friend, it was decided for her by evolutionary biology to imply a level of commitment that includes kids and a mutual residence to help fight off predatory lions. For her potential mates, it might be "we trust each other enough that we only use condoms with other people, and not with each other".

Look, obviously the real catch-22 in the last post for 30-something career women who are looking for a relationship with a capable and driven guy, geeky or not, is that if you have two people with careers then you have to make some "serious" compromises when it comes to climbing the rungs.

I will cheer you up with this funny Tinder image from Imgur:


"The boring kind" kills me.

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Worst blog post ever!

Stephanie has a winning combination.
This is probably going to be my worst blog post ever. But I was having breakfast with a friend and she has a friend who lives in the Bay Area and wants a boyfriend - really a husband, let's be honest here. She's a blonde mid thirties lawyer, as you do, and has the additional caveat that the boyfriend should be smart and actually interesting. My friend suggested she date someone geeky.

And of course, perversely my instinct is to say "what about the downsides?" Which, let's face it, are well known to us newly-divorced geeks.

Sometimes geeks leave you and fly to Hong Kong to meet with reporters to divulge classified information abut intelligence activities they don't really understand! Then they expect you to follow them to a FSB-run Moscow apartment!
More seriously, geeks are smart and successful but they are also socially awkward and not usually pictures of physical health.

But let's say your chosen geek is reasonably fit enough for you to still want to have sex with them. There's still two downsides:

Successful geekery requires a level of focus and isolation over many years that is essentially as mentally unhealthy as eating only Snickers Bars all day long. Girlfriends and wives don't want to hear typically that their normally cheerful guy is going to be grumpy all weekend because he can't figure out how to most efficiently reverse a linked list in Erlang.

Which brings up the second point: Geeks tend to be enmeshed in a culture that you may perhaps find offputting. There's a limit to how many times you'll want to go see or even hear about the minutia of Guardians of the Galaxy or be looked at askance because you don't know what a Zerg rush is.

Likewise, your potential mate may be insensitive about things that you hold dear. Most commonly, this is religion, since your basic computer engineer will view your mildly Lutheran parents the same way you would a devout Scientologist and thanks to their social awkwardness, may actually mention that. For example, my ex-wife found it continually painful I was unable to hide my thoughts about New Zealand ("hippies without decent Internet"), the modern dance industry ("showing nipples does not make something avant guard"), and anything related to fashion that wasn't a picture of a model wearing something pretend-scandalous ("criminal waste of time and energy").

Going to all male engineering schools doesn't leave a lot of time for social preparation so you may find yourself having to be un-characteristically blunt about relationship matters (i.e. that you would like to be in one). Guys who spend so much time in isolated all-male environments communicating over the Internet Relay Chat may still have feelings, but they'll communicate them by blinking in Morse code on alternate Tuesdays.

Look, there's a reason there's so much salesguy, spook, and PUA terminology in this blog. Like many geeks I came by what social skills I have through the back door.

In conclusion: what most women say they want, especially in their thirties, is a guy who's "Normal". My technically oriented friends are many things, but normal is not one of them.

Thursday, December 4, 2014

Metrics

If you're running a company of any decent size you are obsessed with Metrics, Projections, and other concrete ways of finding out how your company is doing so you can change it before it sinks, or invest in growth before opportunities pass you by. Or both.

Luckily most metrics when dating are pretty obvious, for example, height.

The only number that matters.

When using Tinder, I at first figured that girls were lying about their height because they all seemed to be 5'11. Almost all of them that listed their height seemed taller than me, and I'm not especially short (at 5'8). But my new theory is that the girls on Tinder are in fact on average TALLER than normal girls. I have my age group set to look at girls I would actually date - i.e. 38 and slightly younger. Is it harder to get and keep a husband if you are a tall girl?

There are probably other numbers, less obvious, that are skewed in the online dating crowd. If guys are selecting for girls "my IQ or less" then the girls left on Tinder are going to be smarter than average. And of course, the guys will be shorter and poorer.

I dunno - there's a lot of good data science to be done in that database. But it's interesting to try to think about hyper-rationally, because usually we are attracted to people and don't know why. Our brains have a natural camouflage that protects us from over analyzing these things the way a smoker finds a thousand rationalizations for why they deserve a cigarette without ever realizing they're rationalizing it.

Monday, December 1, 2014

Cocky Funny

"Cocky Funny" is a pick up artist term that can best be described by  a story that a friend related to me:

I was sitting at a bar and a guy came up and said, "Are you seeing anyone?" and then before I even had a chance to answer, he said, "You should call them, tell them it's over."

That's a classic cocky-funny line. You can read an insane amount on this stuff here: http://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1uidwl/the_ultimate_how_to_guide_to_cocky_funny/

There's a thin line between cocky-funny and "asshole" - and honestly that's why it usually works. 

Chicks can do cocky-funny too, of course. It's an overtly sexual technique typically but that doesn't mean you can't use it to upgrade a hookup to a relationship if that's what you really want from a guy.

However, please, for the love of all that is holy, never use the Marilyn Monroe quote. 

This quote is the meme that won't die.

Sometimes I use cocky-funny to break people's aliases as well when having counter-HUMINT fun. To do this, walk up to any Isreali "student" at a security conference and say "Which military unit are you with?" with a big smile. Basically the cocky-funny technique is that you "assume" their cover is already broken, the same way when you approach a girl at a bar you assume they already are going to sleep with you.

Thursday, November 20, 2014

It didn't go as planned and that's ok.

"In Mexico City they have many Volkswagon Beetles!"
I'm not sure why, but this VERY confident Tinder chick caught my eye, since her strategy is so opposite everyone else's. Despite her rather androgynous name you can tell it's a girl from "I live to travel" as the second thing she says. I wish I knew how well this model worked for her: I don't know any guys who would right swipe someone with so many hangups. I kinda want to set up a fake account and try out her "mega-neg: you are not good enough for me and you can't even see what I look like" technique to see how it goes.

I haven't been to Mexico City in a while - and when I went it was great, like she says. Hold on, I will find a picture:
I'm not high, I'm just drunk, I promise. Yes, that is a Dawson's Creek tee shirt I am wearing.

Sunday, November 16, 2014

Honesty.

I am the most honest "gold-digger" on tinder.

I'm not actually using tinder to date now, I have to admit. But I still BROWSE tinder, because it's hilarious.

Thursday, November 13, 2014

How guys use tinder, explained in 1 word

Serially.

I had this conversation last night with a girl who had just gotten out of a six month relationship she had started with a tinder date. And one question she had, which I've heard a lot from girls, is "Why after we match does the guy not send a message?"

It's totally right that it is the guy's job essentially to send the first message. And guys WILL do this, but they basically do it in a queue. Each girl gets messaged in turn. So if you happen to be a slightly worse potential fit, further away than walking distance, or simply match him later in the day, he'll start messaging you after he finishes with the girls ahead of you in line.

The good thing about this is that you know that while he's messaging you, when he's actually being serious about meeting up for drinks, he's not messaging a bunch of other Tinder dates at the same time. We do this because IT IS EASY TO GET DATES ON TINDER. You already know they find you attractive (probably based entirely on your height). So if you message two girls, you will end up having to tell one of them "Sorry, I can't meet tonight", which seems like a waste of good flirting.

This is one of those things that probably changes as guys get older. I've seen younger dudes message eight girls the same horrible pick up line and just pick the first one that gets back to them with a number. Guys in their thirties who've used Tinder more than a month generally swipe left as much as you do, and are generally busier and more likely to only message you when they actually want to meet up.

FYI! :>

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

You and your emotions.

This amazing picture wins Tinder Pic of the week!

What I wanted to highlight in this post was how girls can do emoticons as a second language. Let me post another picture and you can tell me what she is trying to say...

VERY SELECTIVE. Guaranteed left swipe for "obvious drama queen" but then she is friends with Matthieu Suiche...

If you give that picture to a girl, she'll say "She loves the outdoors, making out, bike riding, travel, and biceps" or something else that is apparently obvious from the carefully curated tiny picture selection. A guy will think "She likes many colors" and leave it at that, maybe swipe through a few of her pictures to see if any of them are hot enough to justify insane pressure of dating a girl who clearly wants to get knocked up IMMEDIATELY.

Here's another one:
I love love, and I love loving love. And I love loving that I love love. Or something.


Ok, so here is the actual tinder date tip of the day: Know your own game.

By that I mean there are some specific trigger phrases that guys respond to automatically if they've dated for longer than 2 months. One of them is the most basic female response of "I NEVER do this on a first date", where this can be anything from "kissing" to "Gorean-style bondage role play".    

You don't want guys on automatic pilot though - you want them surprised because surprised equals engaged. Try turning it around with "This is the first time I've <whatever> on a first date". Just an idea! :>

Sunday, November 2, 2014

Most people handle break-ups poorly...

Obviously fake imgur post is obviously fake, but still funny!

So I have a few rules about break-ups which I will now, PURELY COINCIDENTALLY, share with you. ;>

1. They are not often forever. There's a reason that when divorced guys are newly dating all your dates will ask in various ways ranging from "hints" to "outright questions with lie detectors attached" whether you are getting back together with your ex-wife. So fuckin' relax about it.

2. You probably learned something pretty valuable. Unless you are stupid, or just not paying attention, whoever you dated brought some unique experience to the table and you took it away with you. It might even be something that gets you laid in the future. Who knows?

3. Your guy friends miss you. (Or, if you are a girl, your guy friends who are secretly into you miss you - this isn't sexandthecity.blogspot.com!) Luckily, being guys, you can be away from them for a few years, and then go have beers and literally nothing will have changed about your relationship.


In no particular order, I will add some various shots from today's facebook where a girl and a guy have it out in public after announcing two days ago they were newly in an open relationship...








Friday, October 10, 2014

Divorce and guy coffee

So when the people in my local social group find out I'm getting divorced, I often get invited for coffee's and pulled aside for quiet conversations, and then their own marital problems get dished out.

Which is totally fine - frankly, people need to know they are not alone in all walks of life. I don't know what is more scary: Realizing you are not a unique snowflake, or actually BEING a unique snowflake.

But let's just say that yes, most guys over coffee will talk about how they get hit on all the time by women and wish their wives were interested in sex more than 3 times a month, and also wish they didn't have to suggest it all the time. These guys are in pain - they have a basic need that is just not being met and they are trapped in the system unable to do anything honorable about it. There's a million and one blogs about how to date as a single guy, but basically nothing for these guys, who are basically EVERY guy.

I don't know that many guys who are at all happy with their marriages. This must be true for women as well, but they don't dish to me as much. However, I have noticed that ALL of my married friends (both male and female) have an encyclopedic knowledge of the local swinger's clubs. Not sure what that means!

When I asked a female friend about this (who is also divorced) she said that the female version of this was "I want to want to. But I just don't want to have sex with my husband!" Fair enough.

What it comes down to is that if you talk to a sex worker, they say "Yes, we see basically every married guy in the neighborhood come through our door." Maybe legalizing sex work will be the next domain of liberalization after gay marriage and pot?

Monday, October 6, 2014

Oh the humanity

From Imgur:

"D stands for "dick" in case I couldn't ram my point home enough here."

So my friend asked if my previous blogpost on talking funny was summed up by just "be funny because smart guys like that", but in fact, everybody likes someone who is genuinely funny, because it's insanely hard.

When a PUA talks about "peacocking" they don't mean "Wear nice clothes". Obviously girls know when you're wearing expensive and nice clothes, and that can make you stand out when you're with a bunch of people who are wearing normal clothes, or if you have taste and fashion sense. But you probably don't. What they mean is "Wear something ridiculous." 

For example, I have a shirt that has Bruce Lee on it in sequins. 
"Words fail me, Kung Fu does not."


So when we exhort girls to talk funny, we mean, literally, like Yoda if necessary, although maybe not exactly like Yoda. Please, dear god, not with the apple in the mouth thing though, although you know it must work like a charm.

Oh, and I loved this article from last weekend, where a 38 year old is complaining that she can't get the undivided attention of guys in her age group. 


"They are less, and, to a guy not ready for anything -- like most of the guys I have dated in New York -- less is more."
I think Lewis CK summed it up best though:


Frankly, I think most of the guys I know think accomplishments are pretty hot on a girl. 20-somethings you describe to your friends as their age. They are literally one-dimensional to date. Probably better to be a girl who gets an actual NAME though, maybe?

Friday, October 3, 2014

"I enjoy playin footy and gettin pissed"

A friend sent me these pictures from her tinder-travels. I had to share them!


"I'm not sure if I'm a master of perspective here, or if my legs really are that big in comparison to my head."

"Only genuine women ready to conversate are needed!"

"This taco is my future love for you, unreasonably large and messy!" 
"I'm a McCloud of the McClouds!"


A way with words.

So there was this girl, Andrea, back in college, that talked only in complete sentences. It was so...weird! But it made her completely fascinating. I never did ask her out and I always regretted it.

I hear a ton from women that they can't find smart guys. Even this weekend I was in Key West (which was awesome and one of the great side benefits of living in Miami) and this lawyer my friends tried to set me up with (a 35yo midwestern blonde who liked music more than anything and never talked about her work) told me how she's just looking for a "normal" guy, reasonably smart. There should be no reason she should have trouble finding this very common combination.

Part of the problem, my friends say, is that men will date dumber and nicer women, but women always want a man at least as smart (and mean?) as they are. I don't know if I believe this: I think everyone wants someone basically at their level or else how do you find any of their jokes funny?

In this case, you would have no way of knowing how smart this lawyer was unless you are interested enough to look her up online and essentially read her CV. This is not something most dates do, although frankly they should. What she should have done is let some of her brilliance out and ... just talked funny.

The pick up artist community has a term for wearing funny shirts with shiny bits on them, or big crazy hats called "Pea-cocking". And, let me just say, as dumb as it sounds, it works. Talking funny is exactly like that, but verbally. And if you're a smart lawyer, it makes you fascinating to exactly the guys you are trying to attract. Worth a shot, perhaps?


Thursday, September 18, 2014

Humor and Not Humor

http://imgur.com/gallery/RtkOH

http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/page/12/

http://theweek.com/article/index/266665/the-science-of-sex-4-harsh-truths-about-dating-and-mating

I have another blog post stored up but I wanted to point out these links first because I find the increased study of  "dating" as a sociological subject matter interesting.

I don't have words to explain this particular dating ritual I saw last night.

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Date screwups and you



So a few days ago I was driving a date home, and  . . . wait, let me back up. I live in a residential neighborhood in Miami Beach that has a number of elderly residents who are politically active. That means they attend all the commission meetings (identical in all respects to an episode of Parks and Recreation). They've managed to declare the area I'm in as a "historical district" which makes it hard do any work on your house. Keep in mind every house in South Beach is below flood zone, which makes any kind of historical designation nonsensical.

In any case, at one of these meetings I opened up on the mic and said to the assembly that "Palm View is not a retirement village".

Ever since I said that, locals have been having their dogs leave me presents on the area just outside my gate, passive aggressively.  So this night after running into my house to get something real quick right before driving her home I went back to the car and stepped in one of their presents. This smelled up the whole car immediately, and it's hard to work "I think I stepped in dog poo" into your post-date conversation unless you are a lot wittier than I am. So I left it unsaid, which probably was even worse!

I don't have any tinder tips today, but I figured I'd post this as a note about the sorts of bullshit guys tend to fail at when dating. :>

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Norway

One of my female friends who is traveling posted the following things to me as reminder as to how funny Tinder is.

"My cat's name is Thor. You will come to love him."

"And probably citrus fruit to stave off scurvy was also the treasure."

"Balloons make me happy."

"Halloween is my fav...we don't celebrate Halloween in Norway?"

"I look so good I'm incredulous about it."


A girl last night suggested we communicate in Espranto to avoid all misunderstandings, which is probably the most charming thing I've heard in years.



Saturday, August 30, 2014

"The Game"

A while back (while I was still married), I picked up a copy of "The Game". This is a book about pick up artists, and all their varied journeys. Probably the term from that community that is most permeated into normal meat-space is "The Neg". If you talk to girls, then they all universally say they hate guys who use this technique and that it doesn't work at all. Must be complete hogwash then, eh?

I'll say that while I'm no pick up artist, it is hard not to recognize the parallels between the skillset proposed in PUA community, that of sales guys, and that of human intelligence (HUMINT, aka what the CIA does). In fact they are all very very similar. As an example, one of the key skills they teach at the CIA used to be the "Cocktail party" scenario. Essentially you play the role of a "Cultural Attache" who is at a fancy party at an embassy and your job is talk to everyone there, determine who is friend and foe, and who has information you would like to elicit, at which point you establish a rapport, get them alone, and get them to accept money for their information.

Last week I (and another female friend of mine) got texted an invite from a girl we had just met to go to a corporate party and maybe hang out. Although my friends thought I was insane, "Look, she might not even be there! And she invited you and a friend, and she's bringing a friend! This is not a date! She probably doesn't like you!" I went anyways. And so ended up in Wynwood walking into a corporation's "5th year celebration" party alone and chatting random people up. Normally, I'm quite introverted but doing sales for a while has made it possible to chat up strangers at parties.

Sales guys have used PUA patter techniques forever. Negs work when you aren't an asshole about them because the original name for that was "teasing" and dates back to your grade school playground. And spooks have driven elicitation and anti-elicitation to a fine art. Later on I'll draw some more connections between the explicit techniques they all use, because I find it personally fascinating.

But this is theoretically tinder tips for girls, so I will say a few observations from the last couple weeks.

1. My game goes all to hell when I am dealing with a girl I really like. Instead of carefully tuned banter that ends up with a girl offering me her phone number, I end up saying things like "What is your phone number? Can I have it?" five seconds after meeting her. I end up being too complementary and completely failing to neg. I cannot begin, as my nanny would say, to "play it cool". Instead of using the stair-step of hand and arm touches you do on a date via PUA standards to indicate to a woman that you're attracted to her, I can't physically approach her at all even when she says verbally that she's ready. (Sometimes this actually works for you - my opening line to Justine was something like "You're one of those girls who stands way too close." which is not something attractive girls hear a lot, but which was true because New Zealand physicality is a lot closer than  here in the US.) Usually when you don't touch girls they assume you are not interested at all, and they mentally turn off. Which is, in this case, not what I'm going for.

And I literally have asked a particular woman out every single day since I met her last week. Insane. But then, losing sleep over women is why dating is fun. Otherwise it's just a job you're doing because you think you should and your ego requires it for some reason.

[edit: also odd, posting a public blog about said process. Clearly not something a PUA would approve of.]

2. I can really only concentrate on one girl at a time. That whole "text with 5 girls at a time" thing Phil was doing at the bar basically means he doesn't like ANY of them. If he liked any of them, he'd be agonizing over that one instead. None of those girls have managed to establish any kind of real connection, which frankly should not be as hard as they're making it look. Phil's line was "I don't know what I want, but I'll know when I find it", which is bullshit because his level of game is good enough that he can get girls to like him without him ever really wanting them at all and aside from the ego stroking I don't know why he bothers. I don't know what the real lesson is here, but there's one there somewhere.

3. I always hear from smart girls about how they can't find any smart guys in Miami. This always cracks me up since I work in an office full of genius level guys, some of whom find it just as hard to find smart girls. I dunno where this constant refrain comes from, but I'll ask the next one who says it. Maybe what they mean is "Smart guys with six packs"? I will admit those are more rare.

Ok, so that's my latest tips. I actually haven't even logged into Tinder for a week.

Sunday, August 17, 2014

"I'm too creative for my own good"



I want to briefly talk about Quotes. For example, I find this girl's quote highly ironic! First of all, when you Google it you cannot find it anywhere. Dr. Levry appears to be a Yogi of some kind. Possibly he is the man in the pictures! A truly surprising number of wedding photos show up on the Tinder. She looks happier than he does in the second one. What do you swipe on this one? She's using Tinder at 9:30 but has never seen her own profile? Are these the only pictures of herself that she has? The dating world is a confusing place.'

NYC Tinder

I spent some time Tindering in NYC and one thing I noticed is that you find out quickly how small the world is. Even with your Tinder distance set to 1 mile you will definitely see lots of people you know on Tinder, and occasionally you will match with them. Which frankly I think is awesome, because the added sexual tension from Tinder-chatting adds a cool extra dimension to your conversation. 
"I'm too creative for my own good"

"????????????"


Friday, July 25, 2014

The Gastro Pub

I'm on a business trip to Columbia MD, where the NSA is and where much of the industry does its work. Columbia is an intensely boring town, as I remember from my many years of living here, but in the last decade it has boomed financially, and so there are now things such as "Gastro Pubs".

Victoria's Gastro Pub is not far from the place where I'm staying, so I went there for dinner. Sitting at the bar (as one does when one is alone), I ordered a wine and people watched for a while, and eventually the couple next to me cleared out and a guy arrived and sat down and ordered a beer. No ring, reasonably fit, well dressed, early thirties. He seemed slightly nervous so I opened with "Tinder date?"

Which, it turns out, was exactly correct. "Phil" was a salesguy working in the big financials (one of our clients so I won't give away which one), who was on a Tinder date with a girl he'd never met and had only talked to briefly. She was late, so we ended up talking for a while and he said some interesting things I figured I'd share.

First of all, Tinder dating is expensive! The impulse is to Tinder yourself a date basically every night, which is fun but exhausting, and about a grand a week. ("Or more in NY", says Phil). And you could see why he was exhausted as four different girls texted him while we were talking, one of whom was clearly just inviting him back to her place to have sex ("dinner"). Tonight's date kept him up to speed on her GPS's ETA at all times, as if worried he would leave because she was so late.

Secondly, he rarely has sex with girls on Tinder dates. Essentially his process is to send them a joke, then let them then immediately send him their number, and then chat them briefly there until they meet up. His profile reads just 6'3" and has some rather grainy pictures of him.

But weirdly, even though there are girls he likes that he could focus on, he's continually still dating. In particular, a broadway actress in NY is someone he's really into, but he told her he lived in NY and now has to walk that back. Right there you can see the salesguy impulse to close a deal at any cost. . .

Invariably he does not date the girls he ends up having sex with - they just invite him over or there's a quick drink at a bar and then they go back to his place.

He emphatically was not that into this particular date, and I was there for most of it (she arrived on queue with her GPS estimates), which occurred at the bar,  and got to watch his game. Even when he's not that into a girl he's playing fairly decent pick up artist style game. None of which mattered. Her attraction to him was essentially mathamatical.  It was almost boringly about his statistics, and not him as a person. "All girls want is someone normal" he quipped to me, and he was entirely right with this girl. But fuck it, why would you want a girl who wanted someone normal? I asked in my own head.

When he went to the bathroom I talked to Lauren and she showed me her Tinder. "It's great, you just click on it and a guy takes you to a bar..." she says, and she has about the same size list of people that he does. She's an RN and does not yet have Netflix, which means there is some room for that stock to grow, I guess. "I would go out with him again", she told me when I asked how he was doing. She repeated that again slightly louder when he got back, just in case I didn't pass the message along.

I got a text when I got back to my hotel room, a short 20 minute drive from the Gastro Pub, that he had already bailed on his date, after making out with her for what must have been the shortest session ever in her car.

"She's gross" he texted me "Just wait until you see Bmore tmrw night".

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Thoughts

Ok, so dating is "new to me". But here's what I've gathered:

1. lol is girlspeak for "ask me out!"

2. liking a Tinder moment is what you do when you want to be contacted, but you can't make the first move for some reason.

3. According to my (admittedly not huge) sample set of Tinder-dates, I am always the first person any girl I meet from Tinder has ever gone out with from Tinder. Or perhaps I am really gullible to believe that. For example, if Tinder was not working for you, why are you on Tinder every ten minutes? Is it that addictive to rate guys and see how their text-message game is? All girls are swamped by guys reaching out to them, as far as I can tell, but maybe the actual "let's go out" portion is scary?

Also, a lot of girls do this "pose with my mom" Tinder shot (see below). Sometimes they do it as their first Tinder image. As mystifying as the "pose with my ex-boyfriend" shot. However still better than girls who pose with a young kid and then write "the child is my niece" as their info. Just choose a different picture!

The ever popular up-nose with-my-mom-picture. Should have put "I am the one on the left" in her info field.

I think a good Tinder-dating motto is that you should really leave people better than you found them. When you take that pressure off yourself to "score" (or in female terms "find a serious relationship") and are just there to have a good time, what's so scary about it? Is meeting new people that painful?

I spoke to a CIA guy once and we were talking about recruiting and he said "A lot of times yes, the people you are recruiting are the scum of the earth. But you can find a way to connect with literally anybody! There's going to be some aspect of that person's personality that you like - some piece of them that is interesting and worth learning about. Just do that, and let the rest work itself out." 

All I'm saying is: If he can hang at a campfire in Tikrit and connect with a goat-herder, you can hang at a bar in South Beach with an accountant and probably still have a pretty good time. Honestly though, don't go to a bar. The best Tinder-dates are anywhere else, as far as I can tell.

Sunday, July 6, 2014

Things You Do

Pictures 


Do some basic curation of your picture. I dunno why this is hard. They have the world's simplest interface. There's no excuse for a picture of yourself with your ex boyfriend as your cover picture. Maybe I'm missing something and you're indicating that you want a threesome?

"I was once in a relationship, but now I'm on Tinder"


Also, as a note, pictures of you with your aged grandmother or mother are probably not ideal? And I'm mystified by the number of pictures of girls with TRULY MASSIVE DOGS where the dog is most of the picture. Hey, we get that you love your dog. Guys, however, are not looking to have sex with you because you have a dog. Big dogs are like "guy replacements". Small dogs are neurotic fashion accessories. It's hard to win with a picture of your dog unless you're super hot and artistic.

Here's an example of how to do it right, assuming you must have your giant dog in the picture:

"I'm super hot, artistic and happen to have a dog."




Phrasing

The most common thing girls say who want to get "left swiped":

1. I like to travel.
Yes, everyone likes to travel. Vacations are awesome.

2. I'm not looking for a hookup.
This is what people say who are unable to utilize basic girl skills to transform a hook-up into a multi-night event and then into a relationship. Have some confidence in your skillset!

3. "I'm looking for a gentleman".
If this is code for "I want to get paid for sex" then you are dialed in perfectly to what guys are hearing when you say this. But that's what backpage.com is for. Not Tinder.


E-Stalking


Tinder gives you friends on Facebook that you share with people, and you have a picture of that person and their first name. It's pretty easy, if you like someone, to go to your shared friend, scroll down their friend's list, and find out more about the person. So don't be surprised when someone on Tinder manages to know who you are!